Folks, it wuz hot out there in that cotton patch. Four or five ol' turkey buzzards wuz'a circlin' 'round like they wuz waitin' on one of us to fall down. They wuz wastein' their time 'cause it wuzn't neither one of us a goin' to do nuthin' like that.
Heck, crops wuz just about laid by and all me'n Ol' Tubby Joe Stottlemeyer wuz doin' wuz choppin' out a few Johnson grass patches 'fore we plowed the last time. I reckon next to boll weavils, Johnson grass caused cotton farmers more grief than about anythin'. You could cut the stuff down today and it'd be three or four inches tall the next mornin'.
Lordy mercy, it wuz hot and it didn't look like them ol' turkey buzzards wuz goin' to give up no time soon neither. I reckon it's only 'bout two things in life that I really don't like and one of'em is hot sun, and the other'n is turkey buzzards. It ought'a be a law 'bout both of'em at once. I almost forgot about Johnson grass. I don't like that much neither.
Shoot, I don't know why I'm goin' on 'bout all that stuff since it ain't got nuthin' to do with what it wuz I wuz goin' to tell'ye in the first place. What I wuz goin' to tell'ye wuz `bout the time me'n Ol' Tubby Joe took ourselves to one of them travellin' road shows. They wuz puttin' on that show in one of them big tents that they had done pitched in a pasture just outside'a Dumas.
Just as soon as me'n Ol' Tubb got done with that last patch of Johnson grass, we took ourselves home to clean up and get ready for that show. I mean, we left them turkey buzzards with it. They wuz still circlin' 'round when we left'em.
We got to Dumas at least a hour 'fore that thing wuz supposed to start and that pasture wuz plumb full. It must'a had ever pick-up truck in two or three counties parked in it, and to prove how much class that show wuz supposed to have, it wuz even some cars in that pasture too. Shoot, it wuzn't nobody but rich folks that had cars. It wuz goin' to be one fine show and it wuzn't no doubt about it. I even saw Miz Minnie Phillips there and she don't go much a no place 'cept the First Baptist Church there in Watson on a Sunday and Wednesday.
Me'n Ol' Tubb finally got ourselves up to the part of that tent where you had to pay to get in and folks, it wuz expensive. It done cost us fifty cents to get in and we ain't even seen nuthin' yet.
Well, we got ourselves in that tent and finally found a place to set down and I noticed right off that I wuz settin' right there beside Miss Connie Bea Archer, the Watson Home Economics teacher. She had done got herself one of them high falutin' educations from up at State Teacher's College and I knowed it wuz goin' to be good if she wuz there. She acted like she didn't see me'n Tubb a'tall so we didn't say nuthin' to her neither.
By the time we done got ourself set down there, it wuz gettin' purty hot in that tent and they ain't done nuthin' on that stage yet. The folks wuz gettin' restless'n me'n ol' Tubb wuz havin' to swap cheeks on that foldin' chair in order to keep ourself in it. I kind'a looked over out'a the side of my eye and noticed that Miss Connie Bea wuz still settin' on both of her cheeks. I still wonder sometimes how that woman could do that.
Well sir, it wuz gettin' purty bad in that tent when all of a sudden it wuz a whole bunch of people come from behind a curtain that had done been strung up on that stage and they wuz a carryin' about ever kind'a strange lookin' horn you could ever think of and folks, it's goin' to be hard to believe, but it wuzn't a fiddle or a guitar amongst the whole bunch of'em. I knowed right then and there that Hank Williams wuzn't goin' to be singin' that night.
Well, they fooled around with them things for a little while and the next thing I knowed it wuz beginnin' to sound purty good. I wuz pattin' my foot, Ol' Tubb wuz listenin' the best he knowed how to, and Miss Connie Bea had done and shut her eyes and wuz all puckered up like she had done eat a green persimmon. I got'a hand it to them ol' boys, they done purty good considerin' they didn't have no guitar.
Folks, now comes the part where we done seen sumpin' that they ain't never had in Dumas before. It wuz a bunch of girls come out on that stage and they wuz a holdin' each others hands and kickin' their feet up in the air, and ever one of'em wuz smilin' like they wuz happy about sumpin'. Ol’ Tubb purt'near fell out of his foldin' chair, I had to hold on to mine purty hard, and Miss Connie Bea cut her eyes over to see what I wuz doin'. I don't mind tellin' you right now, them girls didn't have nuthin' much on a'tall 'cept lipstick and rouge. Ol' Tubb told me later that it wuz some of them ol' girls had four cheeks to powder.
Lordy mercy, I don't know what Miz Minnie Phillips must'a been thinkin' 'cause that wuz the long leggedest bunch of girls that ever walked on two feet and that's the whole truth of it. Along `bout what I thought wuz half way through that first song, Ol' Billy Ray Thornton, I think he done had some of that Miller Hi Life beer, jumped hisself up on that stage and asked one of them girls to dance. Well, I don't think she wanted to 'cause she wuz already dancin' with some of them other girls.
Things wuz gettin' purty busy up on that stage 'cause by this time Brother Jimmy Doyle Capes, the Baptist Preacher, done got hisself up there with'em and he wuz a hollerin' and a carryin' on more'n Billy Ray. The Sheriff come a runnin' up, tripped over one of them foldin' chairs, and dropped his pistol in Miz Maggie Wilson's orange crush. The announcer, who ain't announced nuthin' yet, pulled the curtain and closed the Ol' Preacher up with all them girls. Billy Ray Thornton fell hisself through on of them snare drums, and I looked over'n Miss Connie Bea wuz cryin'.
Me'n Tubby Joe decided we'd leave 'cause things wuz gettin out'a hand there in Dumas. Miss Connie Bea had done gone so we couldn't be of no help to her. I think Miz Phillips wuzn't too well 'cause they had to carry her off to the hospital. They got a new Baptist Preacher not too long after that, and the Sheriff bought hisself a new chrome plated pistol.
I don't ever 'member seein' anuther one of them travellin' road shows there in Dumas, but it prob'ly wuz one some time later, much later.
